A) Darrius Heyward-Bey is a sleepy baby
A couple of months ago, an Oakland Raiders press release was sent out from the team comparing 2nd year wide receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey to the best receivers in Raiders history, and that his performance in the offseason has been stellar. This is great news considering after being selected 7th overall in the 1st round of the NFL draft in 2009 and given a 5 year contract worth $38.25 million dollars (plus a guaranteed $23.5 million), he rewarded the Raiders with a mere 9 catches for 124 yards and 1 touchdown last season. Hardly the production you’d expect from a top 10 draft pick that you’re paying a ton of money to. So, he’s been working out in the offseason trying to improve his game, and the Raiders camp wanted to let it be known that he’s improved and should be a force to be reckoned with this season.
So, then, why has he been absent from four straight practices? Is he injured?
Nope.
Turns out he’s just tired! Aw, the poor guy’s been working too hard! His official reason for missing practice is “fatigue.” He needs a little rest.
Why so tired, bud?
Bey says: “Body, legs, you know just fatigue. Doing a lot of running. Receivers, we’re low in numbers anyway. I feel bad for the other guys out there and me missing. But we’re working hard out there, so it takes a toll.”
I’m sure the other 80 guys who are out there on the field every day working their asses off in the grueling heat really feel bad for him. Last time I checked, this is football. If you can’t handle it, you shouldn’t be playing it (read: I don’t play it). Hell, there are high school kids killing themselves every day in 100+ degree weather, and this guy, who is getting paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to play this game, can’t handle a few practices because he’s too tuckered out. What a joke.
Hilariously, another 2nd year wide receiver, Percy Harvin of the Minnesota Vikings (who was drafted much later and got a much smaller contract than Heyward-Bey), has been suffering from crippling migraines this off-season. Two days ago, during a practice, Harvin vomited and collapsed, passed out. He was taken the hospital and treated for what they called a very severe migraine. Where was Harvin today, two days after his hospitalization? Back on the field with his teammates!
But Darrius is tired, ya’ll. Let’s let him have his naptime.
The Oakland Raiders: Still a joke.
B) Antonio Cromartie: I’m not an idiot, I just play one on TV
One of the best parts of this year’s NFL Pre-Season for me has been watching the daily circus that is the New York Jets. From blowhard head coach Rex Ryan’s boasting and cursing to star cornerback Derrelle Revis’ ridiculous money grubbing holdout, the Jets have been a constant source of entertainment this offseason. Couple that with the fact that lots of “experts” are picking them to win the Super Bowl, and the fact that HBO’s “Hard Knocks” reality TV series (a reality show that follows one NFL team from training camp through the beginning of the regular season) is featuring the Jets, and there’s a recipe for a disaster that I can’t wait to see played out.
On the 2nd episode of “Hard Knocks” there’s a part of the program where they sit down with cornerback Antonio Cromartie (last seen as a member of the San Diego Chargers, trying to remember how to tackle in a playoff game against these same Jets last season), and they ask him about his children. Of which he has many. So many, in fact, that it’s hard for him to answer the question.
The clip is viewable in a video here, and as he starts to list off the names and ages of his children he pauses, stumbles, almost as if he’s having trouble recalling it all.
The breakdown:
- Cromartie has EIGHT children, ranging from newborn to 5 years old.
- 2007 was a pretty good year for Mr. Cromartie: 3 of his children are 3 years old (and one is about to turn 3). 2007 is also the one spectacular season Cromartie has had in his career, nabbing 10 interceptions for the Chargers that season.
Keeping up with 8 children can’t be easy, but here’s the kicker. Cromartie says that HBO MADE HIM pause between the names. "Nah, I didn't have trouble," Cromartie said. "I mean, they asked me to pause. I had nailed it the one time before, but they had to redo it and they just told me to pause between each one of [the names]."
Hmm. So HBO asked Cromartie to seem like he didn’t remember his kids’ names and ages, and he went along with it? I guess he doesn’t mind millions of people thinking he’s an idiot.
Of course, HBO claims that the entire segment was just one take, and that the show is “real.”
Draw your own conclusions, ya'll.
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